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update
yup thats about it, my life is going downhill fast
xWickedKittiex
7:06 PM
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--> Nice Horoscope huh?!?! <--
Virgo
March 23rd, 2005
There's a difference -- a big one -- between being understanding and being naive. If you feel that someone out there has been doing their best to work you, don't take it for a single second longer. Put your foot down and announce that the game has officially come to an end. You've gone out of your way to do everything you could for all the people around you. If that generosity hasn't come back to you, call a time-out. Enough is enough.
Virgo
March 24th, 2005
On the one hand, you're still willing to be patient. On the other, you're feeling a bit like Mt. Etna on a bad day. Whether you explode or not is one thing -- but it's definitely time to let them know exactly how much fire you can spout. That little-known secret about you is one that you might want to share now: You have one heck of a temper. It doesn't show up much, but when it does? Stand back.
yeah so you all better watch out. Today and Tomorrow I am a force to be reckend with. According to my horoscope I'm going to officially put my foot down. Which is kinda funny cause of like all the stuff i have been thinking about lately, and all the strange dreams I've been having. I guess it kind of all goes hand in hand with each other. But anyway it's me and i don't have the balls to do anything that i wanna do.
Monday night I went to the movies with Robyn, Beckey, Karyn and Mark. We went to see hostage it was really good. And i got to meet the new Andrew. Not the one I already know the one that karyn kinda likes but I dunno whats going on with that now cause apparently she spent the night with Chancey last night.
Last night Mike and I went shopping at Walmart for Beckey. Lol. He's so funny he likes her soooo much even though he won't admit it to me anymore because you know he's TOTALLY over her. R I G H T. And I have never done anything that i shouldn't have in my entire life. It was cool shopping with him though/ picking everything out for beckey and making my shopping spree harder.
I get paid on friday!! Yay!!!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to go out this weekend even though I work the next morning at like 10:00am. We always have a huge group, but mostly girls. Poor Tyler and Mike will be out numbered for sure. I'm sure there will be some drinking after the bar again. Because we are nuts. I dunno i wasn't drunk last weekend I would like to be. I don't remember what it feels like. It's just different then sitting around home and getting drunk. You like see poeple. Fend people off. It's all in good fun though. Although Tyler had to protect Beckey and I last weekend. Lol. Stupid married guys can't take the hint that we will not allow them to cheat on their wives and especially not with us. Anyway thats a whole stupid story.
Gram isn't doing so well. She can't talk or anything anymore and she doesn't recognize people and stuff. I'm kinda upset that everyone else has got to see her but me. Oh well something for me to be mad about for the rest of my life. Gram probably thinks I forgot about her. If she even remembers who I am.
Alright I'm done depressing you all. I wanna do something today. But like it's 2:30 now not much i can do today, lol, today is coming to an end quickly. Oh well I don't work tomorrow. I need to make an appointment to get my hair cut. This is officially my reminder.
xWickedKittiex
2:20 PM
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--> huggles <--
thats right people the hug counter is back, you can show your apperciation for me all day long.
xWickedKittiex
12:41 AM
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--> Interesting <--
So last night was really interesting. I miss going out for sure. I'm going out next weekend. Me, Beckey and Tyler are. Plans were confirm as of last night, lol. So like moron's is the same as always, people trying to pick you up, buying you drinks. But it's really not as bad as it sounds. Norm bought beckey and I drinks. Jamie tried to pick me up. Shawn tried to pick Beckey up, and then Tyler hung out with us for like the rest of the night. Oh and you know Shane tried to be all cool by talking to me, but i basically ignored him. Cause you know i don't know him that well. I wish that I could forgive him and just say water under the bridge but like he played it like he didn't even know who i was. I was really lonely last night for some reason it was weird. But like ok I guess.
Tyler is moving home and then apparently him and mike are gonna move in with Beckey and i. They just want us to cook and clean and be their maids. Too bad I'm me and I hate cleaning. Although if i lived with someone else my house wouldn't look so nasty, which it really does right now and I HAVE to clean it. Besides i think that me and beckey and tyler are gonna drink here on saturday night. Oooo... lol.
What else is going on?.... We drank at Ang's and i wasn't even drunk but I still had so much fun. There was a bunch of people there. Some of which i didn't know. But it's all cool. Beckey and I basically lost everyone and just hung out with each other fending people off it was great. Going out makes me examine my life more closely and makes me realize i won't be sitting around home anymore. I'll be at work and then after that somewhere else anywhere else but here on this computer. Although i do love it so.
I guess mitch is supposed to be coming home on wednesday. It doesn't really feel like he's gone i guess cause i don't really talk to him all that much. Although he needs to call his mom cause she called me to see if i had been talking to him and she doesn't know liz's number and I definitally don't know her number. I learned a few interesting things about him last night. Well not really actually. It's nothing i didn't already know and feel like crap about so i guess i didn't hear anything about him. Although i wish people weren't compelled to tell me things cause i don't wanna know them.
And I guess thats it. We will see what the week brings me and i look forward to another interesting weekend.
xWickedKittiex
6:23 PM
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--> My monster and me <--
So I hung out with Beckey all day yesterday, Mike was with us for a little while too but I think we scared him off. We were all hyper and like I'm really excited to go to the bar tonight, although I have to come home like as soon as it closes cause i work in the morning at 10 until 6:30. We talked about everything, lol, we are such nutcases.
Mike kept asking me all day why Mitch and I aren't together. Why he doesn't just dump is girlfriend. And i told him it's more complicated then that. I guess. But he kept saying we should just date finially. Who know's what will ever happen. Beckey keeps dreaming that Mitch and I are together and she agrees with Mike that we should just do it. It's been long enough dodging it. She thinks her subconscious obviously wants us together. I dunno whats going on in that part of my life. And i don't know if things will ever work out. I don't even know how i want them to work out. I was trying not to talk about him. Just because, it's weird to talk about him. Like we weren't talking about him in a bad way, but I just don't wanna discuss it cause it makes me upset sometimes. Especially to know that right now he's cuddleing up with his girlfriend, and having a great time, and i'm just here. By myself, not knowing what the hell is ever gonna happen between us. I dunno.
So he's gone right now, until sometime. He didn't know when he was coming home. His mom called and she hasn't heard from him and that worries me now. But i'm sure he just didn't think to call her. And there would be no reason to call me.
Beckey and I talk about boys a lot.
Tonight I'm gonna get soooo drunk. And next weekend. And the next weekend.
I don't even get Easter dinner cause I work and because Dad and Ryan are going to Maine, but I work so I can't go.... It's so not fair. But thats ok, i think i'm gonna start spending a lot more time with Beckey and a lot less time at home on my computer. I'm missing out on being a stupid young adult by sitting around here wishing things were different. Plus I have a cell phone if people wanna talk to me, they know how to reach me. I feel like I'm waiting my life away. And really no one is out there waiting for me.
Ozzfest is July 15th, and I am like soooo excited about it. It's gonna be soo much fun.
xWickedKittiex
12:30 PM
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--> Soup? <--
So maybe I'm taking this all way out of proportion. I dunno. Am I totally over reacting? Cause now I feel bad that I even really reacted at all. I dunno, my life is messed up.
On another note, i don't know how i'm going to afford living by myself... beats me. I don't know if I can do it. but it has to be done, maybe some luxuries will have to be cut out of my life. Like I dunno never the internet, lol. Just food. I've been able to live without much of that for awhile.
So I think i'm going to souris tomorrow if all goes right. I'm kinda excited. I like it out there. Plus I have a mountain of laundry and they have soup. Lots of soup. And I like snuggleing my spiderman even though he doesn't think he's much of a superhero anymore. I beg to differ. He'll always be a superhero but sometimes you just gotta settle on that fact that you are human too. And bad decisions are made. I make bad decisions all the time. I dunno he still makes me smile, and I would never give up on him. We've been through lots.
I work at 2 but only until 8 today, yay, home two hours earlier. I just have to find gas money to get to souris now. Because techinically my gas money is in Souris. And I don't think the car has enough to get there. I'm quite sure it doesn't. We'd like run out before we got there for sure. And I doubt the truck has gas that I could re emburse either. So money hunting I will go.
xWickedKittiex
11:59 AM
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--> sit back and wait <--
So I've decided to sit back and see what comes to me. Cause really I'm the one being stupid about everything. I would like to be wanted. And the more I think about it the more I feel like sometimes I'm not. I'm so stupid. Like who in their right mind would find something out that is like hurtful towards them and just kinda push it away and try to forget about it, but not really forget about it because now thats all you can think about. But you know one of the weird things is I'm not really mad. No I'm not mad at all. The whole situation makes me really really sad, and like I should have trusted my gut feelings so it's my own fault that i got hurt. I just need to be more cautious I guess. i honestly just don't know what to do. I promised myself that this wasn't going to happen to me again and it has and I don't know how to handle it. I really don't. I dunno I still have questions I wanna ask but how do you bring that up in conversation.
ugh!
Thinking about it makes me wanna throw up. It really does. I feel so unspecial right now. And here's to sounding childish he couldn't even drive over here to see me, I had to go and visit him. I still feel the same way about him, I love being with him and snuggleing with him, but as soon as I start to feel secure I remind myself he's not mine. He's not, and he has no obligations to me. I just have to keep telling myself that.... I guess... I wish i didn't have to but it seems like thats how it's gonna be.
xWickedKittiex
10:22 AM
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*i swear its an evil apple!*
